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Who you'll meet across a Diplomacy board: Part 5: Mad as a Hatter

I thought it might be fun to have a look at some types of player you're likely to come across when playing Diplomacy.  Well, OK, it's not all fun in this series... but I'll do my best.



Yes, stubborn players are frustrating.  Equally frustrating are those players who seem to be insane.  These tend to be the players who play erratically.  They do make for an interesting game, though.

The Hippo

I didn't know this until comparatively recently, but the hippopotamus is one of the most aggressive animals on the planet - certainly one of the most unpredictable and probably the most dangerous.  You - maybe it's just me - think of them as being gentle giants, wallowing peacefully in African rivers.  Nope; when roused you'd better be about half a mile away.

In Diplomacy a Hippo is a player who is aggressively acquisitive and opportunistic.  "See a centre, grab a centre," is her motto.  It doesn't matter who the SC is stolen from, and it often doesn't matter what position she leaves herself in, the SC was there and so she took it.

She isn't the most unpredictable of players, however.  If you know she's a Hippo, you know not to give her the chance.  Point her in another direction.  Tell her an opponent was less than complimentary about her dental plan.

And if you do leave an opening for a Hippo to get to your SC, then more fool you.  Unless you didn't know she was a Hippo, in which case, less fool you.  But that's not a thing.

The Trimmer

Trimmers are also opportunists but in a different way to a Hippo.  While the ultimate aim is to get SCs, of course, a Trimmer see opportunity in having no fixed stance towards play or towards allies.  If she thinks she can get more from switching allegiances, she will do.

If you like, Trimmers sit somewhere between Hippos and Baggers (see an earlier post in this series).  She's not a player who will grab an SC just because it's there, but neither is she a player who will plan to stick with an alliance until it's had its day.

A Trimmer will throw an alliance away on a whim if she thinks she's going to get something more from an alternative ally.  She may be even be lead down this path by a careful Bagger.  She isn't about randomly collecting SCs, she's an inconsistent ally.

The Pussycat

You may have seen the film Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!  Don't worry, you've not missed a cinematic masterpiece if you haven't.  I reference it because I have taken the name for this player from the title.

A Pussycat isn't a doormat; she's not a player that is kind and gentle and easily manipulated.  Actually, I've not met a feline that fits that description!  A Pussycat is a player who is constantly trying to move the game along.

Pussycats tend to demand games move on quickly.  They'll typically play to the shortest deadline possible when playing online.  On Playdiplomacy this will mean a 12 hour deadline.  This means that there really isn't the time for proper diplomacy in the game (and is, therefore, a bit of a waste of time to me - although not wasting very much time).  You need to sleep, you need to eat, you need to work/study, you need to defecate.  How much communication are you going to be able to do in 12 hours (whether or not you're communicating while defecating)?

Pussycats are also typically those players in your online community who are looking for ways to shorten games.  They're constantly frustrated if a game is delayed while a replacement is found.  They're arguing that phases should move on more quickly, no matter what.

The most annoying thing about Pussycats, however, is the way they constantly push for other players to complete the phase as quickly as possible, if not NOW!!!  They think that because they've finalised, you should too.  Public Press, the communication system in a game where players can send messages to all other players, is littered with demands to finalise.  Pussy-littered, in fact.

They're also bad players, in general.  So there's an upside.

The Somnambulist

Speaking of bad players, here stumbles the Somnambulist.

Somnambulism is the scientific name for sleep-walking.  I used to sleep-walk when I was a kid.  Once I found myself in the kitchen.  I'd walked downstairs, got the milk out of the fridge, and then settled down in the kitchen floor.  On another occasion I'd sleep-walked into my parents' room, while they were downstairs, and thrown talcum powder all over.  I was popular.

In Diplomacy you'll occasionally come across a player like this, someone who goes through a game - or as far through as their bad play will let them - without really knowing what they're doing.  They usually don't bother with communicating to any extent.  And this is Diplomacy - if you're not communicating you really don't know what you're doing.

I was once in a tournament final playing France.  England, in spite of my consistently reaching out to him, didn't send me a single message.  Didn't leave me a lot of choice, really.  Germany, Russia and I built an alliance that had England gone by 1904.

WHO YOU'LL MEET ACROSS A DIPLOMACY BOARD series:

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